


Dysphoria's A Bitch

by 3_14applepie314



Category: DSMP - Fandom, Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dysphoria, Gen, HEAVY dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29156295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3_14applepie314/pseuds/3_14applepie314
Summary: Being trans isn't very fun, especially when you have heavy dysphoria and a body that lives to remind you you'll never be male.
Relationships: Eret & Floris | Fundy, Floris | Fundy & Unnamed Characters
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	Dysphoria's A Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> I do want to say I am trans and I do suffer from heavy dysphoria!! This fic is one big projection onto Fundy. I will say I am NB, not a trans male, apologies.  
> I will state now this is a fic about purely the dream smp characters, based on the Fundy is Trans thing as it brings me comfort, if you don't like, don't read!  
> Remember to bind safely please folks! There is some not-good examples in here.  
> 
> 
> !! TERFS/TRANSMEDS/TRANSPHOBES DNI !!

Fundy was trans. It wasn’t really something that big for the outside world, it just meant this guy was born in a girl’s body, no biggie. 

It was a big thing for Fundy though. It meant so many things- how his body felt wrong, how he laid in bed all day sometimes sobbing into his pillow just wishing he could’ve been born a boy. How he’s terrified of being feminine, the fear of being perceived as a girl striking into his heart. How when a stranger refers to him as a she even just once, he can’t help but feel nauseous. How when he’s got his binder on, he can’t help but keep it on more then he should, even if he feels like his lungs are being crushed and he can’t breathe anymore. How every time he looks at himself when he’s bare, he can’t help but cringe at his chest and privates, how disgusted they make him feel.

Dysphoria is a bitch. It’s a phrase that comes off his tongue easily, joking around with friends who understand his struggles, hiding his true inner pain of his feelings. He gets small time with these friends, wishing it’d be longer. Noone where he lives understands him as deeply as they do, except for Eret, but his life is too busy to see them. To see any of them, to see the people who can anchor him down and remind him he’s the most handsome man that has ever lived.

The truth is, dysphoria hurts. He acts like it doesn’t, but it's a well-made blade of pain and suffering, something that strikes into his mind at every worst possible time. When he’s happy or when he’s sad, reminding him of how he’ll never be a man. Reminding him, that he doesn’t have a perfectly flat chest, how he has such a petite frame and feminine eyes, how he should stop faking and just succumb to being a girl.

It hurts him. Even if it's not a physical sting, it’s a mental one, a snakebite that dug in way, way deeper than it should. He’s taken to ignoring it, pretending as if his body isn’t there. If it doesn’t exist, then he doesn’t have to tolerate it. It’s the mentality he developed as he weaves through life, ignoring his body, but if he focuses on it too long the feeling washes over him all over again. He just wants it all to stop, but he knows it never will. It’s a constant, throbbing pain, that he can sometimes push to the back of his mind- because he’s had it for a very long time, it’s becoming easier to get through it- but sometimes he cannot, and he lays in bed all day and can only curl up on himself.

He’s had dysphoria for a long time, and he’ll continue to have it for even longer. When he meets up with his friends again, or Eret stops by- he’s reminded he’s a manly man, a handsome one, fighting his battles as best as he can. It’s okay to take breaks, sir man, and you are doing great, Mr. guy. When he breaks down because it’s been a particularly bad week, or he’s just hanging by a thread, he knows there's hands to grab him, tell him it’s a struggle but you can wade through it, and if you ever fall down I’ll run through there and push you up again. He’s glad for these friends. He is a man, and while the outside world may perceive him as just a man, he and his friends perceive him as one of the manliest ones.


End file.
